Kadaj looked at Kuja and felt his stomach twist, sickeningly. He tried to answer, but couldn't, and he looked away, closing his eyes and swallowing reflexively.
It was hard to say it now. He'd never really spoken about it before, had never ever recounted details to anyone, not even to Grimmjow who already a rough idea that it had gone on.
What would he do if Kuja had known? He wasn't sure he wanted to know if Kuja had known any part of it any more, but a small part of him screamed to find out.
He put his hand to Souba's hilt, gripping it until his knuckles turned white, but not as if he was going to draw her. This was Kuja; no matter what his response, he wouldn't do that, and not just because he'd be dead before he'd got Souba out.
"He," Kadaj managed, fought against a crack in his voice, swallowed once more, and then plunged ahead, "used to shove his tongue so far down my throat, I thought I was going to be sick." His hand tightened on Souba again, "I tried to fight back once, and he dislocated my arm, and left it like that until it was over." He swallowed again, opening his eyes only to stare at the floor. "He had two, and I was the only one, the only one," he repeated, "that he used both at once with. It used to hurt so much," he said, his hand and voice trembling. "He liked to choke me with that tongue around my throat until I didn't have the strength to stand, let alone fight back."
Kadaj took a couple of steps back, until his shoulder hit the door, and he leaned there, tilting his head back to rest against it, too. His hands were shaking, his throat ached, and he felt oddly lightheaded and vulnerable at having told someone. His jaw quivered for a moment as he took a shaky breath, and then said, "I'd thought that was just how he was, just how he was with me, but then I found out he'd done it all deliberately to try and keep me from ever fighting him properly. He'd been trying to break me, and keep me that way, for all those years."
Kadaj's voice tailed off, and he looked at Kuja, oddly despondent. "He called it 'Living Corpse Reincarnation'. That's what it was about. I told him I'd still fight him if he tried using it on me, that he could rape me as many times as he liked, however he liked, and I'd still fight him."
Did you know what he was doing to me? The question stuck in Kadaj's throat, for now.
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It was hard to say it now. He'd never really spoken about it before, had never ever recounted details to anyone, not even to Grimmjow who already a rough idea that it had gone on.
What would he do if Kuja had known? He wasn't sure he wanted to know if Kuja had known any part of it any more, but a small part of him screamed to find out.
He put his hand to Souba's hilt, gripping it until his knuckles turned white, but not as if he was going to draw her. This was Kuja; no matter what his response, he wouldn't do that, and not just because he'd be dead before he'd got Souba out.
"He," Kadaj managed, fought against a crack in his voice, swallowed once more, and then plunged ahead, "used to shove his tongue so far down my throat, I thought I was going to be sick." His hand tightened on Souba again, "I tried to fight back once, and he dislocated my arm, and left it like that until it was over." He swallowed again, opening his eyes only to stare at the floor. "He had two, and I was the only one, the only one," he repeated, "that he used both at once with. It used to hurt so much," he said, his hand and voice trembling. "He liked to choke me with that tongue around my throat until I didn't have the strength to stand, let alone fight back."
Kadaj took a couple of steps back, until his shoulder hit the door, and he leaned there, tilting his head back to rest against it, too. His hands were shaking, his throat ached, and he felt oddly lightheaded and vulnerable at having told someone. His jaw quivered for a moment as he took a shaky breath, and then said, "I'd thought that was just how he was, just how he was with me, but then I found out he'd done it all deliberately to try and keep me from ever fighting him properly. He'd been trying to break me, and keep me that way, for all those years."
Kadaj's voice tailed off, and he looked at Kuja, oddly despondent. "He called it 'Living Corpse Reincarnation'. That's what it was about. I told him I'd still fight him if he tried using it on me, that he could rape me as many times as he liked, however he liked, and I'd still fight him."
Did you know what he was doing to me? The question stuck in Kadaj's throat, for now.