There's nothing like a trail of blood

[tozasemurcielago]

Ulquiorra felt an uncomfortable weight in his stomach as he made his way to Aizen-sama's office. Apprehension, he knew, but he wasn't accustomed to it and it lingered on the edge of his awareness, clouding his thoughts. His eyes remained downcast, and his hands in his pockets.

Seeing L at the meeting had been uncomfortable. Ulquiorra's throat had tightened, and he'd felt something much like this, a weight, and a twist in his stomach that he desired to shake. Murcielago hadn't helped, and had enjoyed Ulquiorra's discomfort. It had been a relief to focus on a task and push L and what Ulquiorra had done, and found out, from his mind.

He was trying to do that now, but he knew that he would have to explain his actions to Aizen-sama. Ulquiorra would prefer not to discuss it. He wasn't sure which part of Aizen-sama's reaction he would prefer to face, either; disappointment was a possibility, anger seemed unlikely as Aizen-sama had not made this discussion a priority.

He had allowed his emotions to get the better of himself. That was unacceptable.

He also could not let Aizen-sama know what Murcielago had offered him in the aftermath. Having to deceive Aizen-sama, at least having to keep information from him, was not going to be easy. There was more to come, Murcielago had promised, when he was ready, but the Hollow had capitalised on a wobble in Ulquiorra's self control, and Ulquiorra was wary of it attempting the same again. It may appear to be of benefit to Ulquiorra now, potentially, but it also presented a risk.

The hollow had managed to complicate the one relationship Ulquiorra had found easy. He was just a tool, a thing for Aizen-sama to use as required, to do whatever Aizen-sama required without hesitation or question. It had not been a complicated purpose, but it had been clear, and Ulquiorra had done his best to serve it. Now it would not be so simple.

Ulquiorra stopped outside Aizen-sama's office, and knocked twice, not because he would need to inform Aizen-sama of his presence, his presence would undoubtedly be felt, but simply out of propriety.

He entered only when he was invited.

Comments

[tozasemurcielago]

Ulquiorra was good at self control, but even he wasn't good enough to have his reactions go unnoticed by Aizen-sama. Outwardly, the only response was a blink in the fraction of a second pause. His reiatsu, however....

Having to recount the conversation, even in his head, brought feelings to the surface. L's betrayal of their family had been unforgivable, and still he was the only family Ulquiorra possessed. L had been there while Ulquiorra grew up, L had taught him how to read and write Old Rozarrian, had lived with them as if he was Ulquiorra's brother, not an Uncle.

His reiatsu wavered and darkened in that moment before he answered, becoming heavier, although Ulquiorra controlled it as best he could.

"L had known what was to transpire at Gongaga," Ulquiorra answered, which would have been enough of a reason on its own, for most, but Ulquiorra didn't see the point in giving half a story to Aizen-sama. Besides, it had not been that fact which had made Ulquiorra lose his temper. "I hit him when he attempted to stop me leaving. Then he told me he had done nothing because he had been in a difficult position and expected I would be with our family."

That was what made Ulquiorra's chest tighten, and his reiatsu wavered again as he recounted it. L had left all of them to die, and had never located Ulquiorra because he thought he was dead. So much of Ulquiorra's own life would have been so different if L had intervened, or had bothered to check that everyone who was supposed to be in attendance had been.

[theedgeofreason]

Aizen both felt the fluctuations in his reiatsu and noted the pause before he started to speak.

He understood the reasons for Ulquiorra's anger at discovering what he did. The Clan, though not unanimously, had voted 'yes' on the destruction of a whole town for minor political gain. Given the relatively small reward, the decision to go ahead with it was ill-advised at best and pointless, bordering on foolish, at worst. Nevertheless, they did it. They hired a bomber to do the deed and razed the town. Bancour withdrew from its alliance with Lionel and no more Mako Reactors were constructed within its borders. Even so, they needn't have done it when they did. L could have postponed the mission until his family had safely left the area. Instead, he'd gone ahead with it under the impression that the incident would take them all out in one fell swoop and leave no revenging survivors to deal with.

How wrong he was.

That one of them survived was unfortunate. That the survivor was an emotionally repressed young man whose every issue stemmed from that event was worse. That he had since been artificially augmented with physical power and ability beyond the normal scope ... well, L learned that to his cost.

"Ah," Aizen said. "It seems that you were not at fault." Not that he had expected otherwise. "Even so," he paused to remove his glasses and rub his eyes. It had been a long day. "While I admit that L is useful to the Clan, my low opinion of him is well known. I would prefer not to have to field any accusations of ordering you to incapacitate him, or worse."

[tozasemurcielago]

Not at fault, Ulquiorra heard. The concept wasn't one Ulquiorra understood; he knew the thought behind it, but it was something he himself couldn't see the sense in. He was at fault, because he was responsible for his own actions, regardless of whether those actions were justified or not. For Aizen-sama to tell Ulquiorra he was not at fault did not mean that Ulquiorra was not responsible for what he had done, but instead meant that, in Aizen-sama's judgement, Ulquiorra had been suitably provoked, and L had received only what he deserved.

Ulquiorra did not see how he was exonerated just because he'd reacted emotionally instead of with his intellect. His outburst had not been revenge, it had simply been anger, and shock. He had not considered his actions at the time.

"It will not happen again, Aizen-sama," Ulquiorra said, giving a polite bow that was more than a nod, but less than his usual obedient gesture when he was dismissed; he hadn't been dismissed yet.

[theedgeofreason]

He didn't doubt it. Aizen doubted that there was anything else that could shock Ulquiorra enough to make him lose his cool like that. Short of him ending up in a state of Oversoul, he suspected there was little that would make his control waver like that again.

He nodded in response to his pledge of future good behaviour. "You may go," he said, satisfied with his reasons.

Aizen saw no need to drag the discussion out for longer than necessary. Ulquiorra was clearly in a delicate state of mind and he himself was tired with work still to be done and certain matters still to discuss with Illua. His long day was only going to get longer, he suspected.

[tozasemurcielago]

"Hai, Aizen-sama," Ulquiorra replied, taking a deeper bow with his arm across his chest before he turned to leave.

The door clicked shut behind him, and Ulquiorra's reiatsu continued to waver, heavier and darker than usual, as he returned his hands to his pockets. He didn't move at first, facing a moment of indecisiveness that only served to make things worse.

Ulquiorra used to spend a lot of time in the library. The other Arrancar rarely if ever made use of it, nor did any of Grimmjow's reprobates. It had been a quiet place in which Ulquiorra could spend his time at the Palace without unfortunate interruptions.

But L used it regularly, and Ulquiorra had not been to the library since his altercation with him.

A check of the library revealed no current trace of L, or his reiatsu here, which eased the unpleasant tension in Ulquiorra's chest. The library was not empty, but L was not here, and that was what mattered at this moment.