There's nothing like a trail of blood

[tozasemurcielago]

Ulquiorra felt an uncomfortable weight in his stomach as he made his way to Aizen-sama's office. Apprehension, he knew, but he wasn't accustomed to it and it lingered on the edge of his awareness, clouding his thoughts. His eyes remained downcast, and his hands in his pockets.

Seeing L at the meeting had been uncomfortable. Ulquiorra's throat had tightened, and he'd felt something much like this, a weight, and a twist in his stomach that he desired to shake. Murcielago hadn't helped, and had enjoyed Ulquiorra's discomfort. It had been a relief to focus on a task and push L and what Ulquiorra had done, and found out, from his mind.

He was trying to do that now, but he knew that he would have to explain his actions to Aizen-sama. Ulquiorra would prefer not to discuss it. He wasn't sure which part of Aizen-sama's reaction he would prefer to face, either; disappointment was a possibility, anger seemed unlikely as Aizen-sama had not made this discussion a priority.

He had allowed his emotions to get the better of himself. That was unacceptable.

He also could not let Aizen-sama know what Murcielago had offered him in the aftermath. Having to deceive Aizen-sama, at least having to keep information from him, was not going to be easy. There was more to come, Murcielago had promised, when he was ready, but the Hollow had capitalised on a wobble in Ulquiorra's self control, and Ulquiorra was wary of it attempting the same again. It may appear to be of benefit to Ulquiorra now, potentially, but it also presented a risk.

The hollow had managed to complicate the one relationship Ulquiorra had found easy. He was just a tool, a thing for Aizen-sama to use as required, to do whatever Aizen-sama required without hesitation or question. It had not been a complicated purpose, but it had been clear, and Ulquiorra had done his best to serve it. Now it would not be so simple.

Ulquiorra stopped outside Aizen-sama's office, and knocked twice, not because he would need to inform Aizen-sama of his presence, his presence would undoubtedly be felt, but simply out of propriety.

He entered only when he was invited.

Comments

[theedgeofreason]

Aizen had put aside the meeting until he was good and ready to conduct it. He had waited until the air had cleared after the debriefing to ensure that he was in a frame of mind where he could consider all of what Ulquiorra had done without it being overshadowed or pushed aside by thoughts of the Cetra. He had penned his notes on that matter and intended to leave them untouched until he had more information on the subject.

Ulquiorra would need to be handled carefully, that much he knew. The boy was loyal, certainly more than any of those who ranked below him and potentially more than those above, but he had exhibited unusually violent behaviour and a talk was required, if not a dressing down. He intended to find out the reasons for his outburst, not castigate him.

It was set to be a conversation, civil and careful, nothing more.

As he expected, Ulquiorra arrived on time. The knock was, indeed, unnecessary, but Aizen expected it all the same. Dutiful gestures weren't unusual from him.

"Enter," he said only as loudly as he needed to.

Aizen's office was a room under part of the Library's mezzanine floor. Fairly compact to begin with, it was made all the smaller by its furniture and other contents. The desk was a large leather-topped dark wood affair and almost all of the walls were covered in shelves, each of those packed with books both new and old, some published and others full of notes written in Aizen's own hand. More books and papers besides sat in piles on the desktop. There was a solitary window situated in a small, shelf-less Hollow on the rear wall, but its magnificent view of the gardens was obscured by heavy black curtains. Two lamps lit the room, one on the desk and the other standing behind the chair, but heavy shades dulled their artificial glow.

[tozasemurcielago]

Ulquiorra slipped in quietly, and shut the door behind himself. Standing before Aizen-sama, alone, wasn't something Ulquiorra had previously had much call to do, and certainly not under these circumstances.

He stood with his hands clasped loosely behind his back. It wasn't a frequent pose from Ulquiorra, but one he tended to adopt when he was reporting. It was more polite than having his hands in his pockets, which Ulquiorra recognised, but very few people warranted it from him.

Aizen-sama was one of them.

The office wasn't a place Ulquiorra had seen much of, but he didn't spare the surroundings much attention. The lighting was dim, which meant Ulquiorra's pupils expanded slightly, but he didn't bother to glance around. This room belonged to Aizen-sama; the decor held no interest to Ulquiorra.

"You requested my presence, Aizen-sama." Ulquiorra's tone held no questions; it was simply confirmation that he understood why he was here.

[theedgeofreason]

"I did," he said simply.

Ulquiorra was, at least, not one to waste words. He spoke when the need arose, at length on occasion, but he was not the type to talk unnecessarily. That pleased Aizen. He knew that the answers to his questions would likely be concise and to the point instead of full of useless waffle and desperate justification.

"You know why, of course," he smiled slightly, and briefly, the expression neither reassuring nor unfriendly. "You are already aware of the Clan's view of blood feuds, I'm sure. Even so, I'm sure you understand why it cannot happen again."

It wasn't that Aizen cared what the Clan thought, or that he was worried about L's health. He was concerned that his and L's mutually antagonistic tendencies had been noted by them and that Ulquiorra's loyalty to him might make it look rather like he had been put up to killing or otherwise seriously harming him for Aizen's benefit.

[tozasemurcielago]

Ulquiorra did not make assumptions about Aizen-sama's smile. As expected, he did not appear angry, but he also did not appear openly disappointed in Ulquiorra's lapse of control. That was curious, although Ulquiorra didn't analyse it right now.

"Yes, Aizen-sama," he replied, one answer to all three statements. The clan viewed family affairs as outside clan business, still his behaviour reflected upon Aizen-sama, and attacking another member of the clan was frowned upon, even if it would be allowed to slide in this instance. Nnoitra had killed Orochimaru, and that had been allowed to slide due to their history, but another attack upon another member by another of Aizen-sama's subordinates would reflect badly.

It would not happen again in any case. It had been a response to a revelation that could only happen once. Unless there were further, related revelations to come with regards to L's role in Gongaga, Ulquiorra would not be surprised again.

Where other members of the clan were concerned, Ulquiorra had no further concern for their roles.

[theedgeofreason]

Aizen nodded and leaned back in his chair. He had no doubt that Ulquiorra would behave from now on, but that didn't change the fact that the reasons for his attack on his uncle remained not only unclear, but entirely unknown. He decided to get straight to the point.

"What made you do it?" He watched him carefully searching his expression for any changes, however slight.

He was already tuned in to Ulquiorra's reiatsu. If his face didn't betray him, there was always the chance that that could.

[tozasemurcielago]

Ulquiorra was good at self control, but even he wasn't good enough to have his reactions go unnoticed by Aizen-sama. Outwardly, the only response was a blink in the fraction of a second pause. His reiatsu, however....

Having to recount the conversation, even in his head, brought feelings to the surface. L's betrayal of their family had been unforgivable, and still he was the only family Ulquiorra possessed. L had been there while Ulquiorra grew up, L had taught him how to read and write Old Rozarrian, had lived with them as if he was Ulquiorra's brother, not an Uncle.

His reiatsu wavered and darkened in that moment before he answered, becoming heavier, although Ulquiorra controlled it as best he could.

"L had known what was to transpire at Gongaga," Ulquiorra answered, which would have been enough of a reason on its own, for most, but Ulquiorra didn't see the point in giving half a story to Aizen-sama. Besides, it had not been that fact which had made Ulquiorra lose his temper. "I hit him when he attempted to stop me leaving. Then he told me he had done nothing because he had been in a difficult position and expected I would be with our family."

That was what made Ulquiorra's chest tighten, and his reiatsu wavered again as he recounted it. L had left all of them to die, and had never located Ulquiorra because he thought he was dead. So much of Ulquiorra's own life would have been so different if L had intervened, or had bothered to check that everyone who was supposed to be in attendance had been.

[theedgeofreason]

Aizen both felt the fluctuations in his reiatsu and noted the pause before he started to speak.

He understood the reasons for Ulquiorra's anger at discovering what he did. The Clan, though not unanimously, had voted 'yes' on the destruction of a whole town for minor political gain. Given the relatively small reward, the decision to go ahead with it was ill-advised at best and pointless, bordering on foolish, at worst. Nevertheless, they did it. They hired a bomber to do the deed and razed the town. Bancour withdrew from its alliance with Lionel and no more Mako Reactors were constructed within its borders. Even so, they needn't have done it when they did. L could have postponed the mission until his family had safely left the area. Instead, he'd gone ahead with it under the impression that the incident would take them all out in one fell swoop and leave no revenging survivors to deal with.

How wrong he was.

That one of them survived was unfortunate. That the survivor was an emotionally repressed young man whose every issue stemmed from that event was worse. That he had since been artificially augmented with physical power and ability beyond the normal scope ... well, L learned that to his cost.

"Ah," Aizen said. "It seems that you were not at fault." Not that he had expected otherwise. "Even so," he paused to remove his glasses and rub his eyes. It had been a long day. "While I admit that L is useful to the Clan, my low opinion of him is well known. I would prefer not to have to field any accusations of ordering you to incapacitate him, or worse."

[tozasemurcielago]

Not at fault, Ulquiorra heard. The concept wasn't one Ulquiorra understood; he knew the thought behind it, but it was something he himself couldn't see the sense in. He was at fault, because he was responsible for his own actions, regardless of whether those actions were justified or not. For Aizen-sama to tell Ulquiorra he was not at fault did not mean that Ulquiorra was not responsible for what he had done, but instead meant that, in Aizen-sama's judgement, Ulquiorra had been suitably provoked, and L had received only what he deserved.

Ulquiorra did not see how he was exonerated just because he'd reacted emotionally instead of with his intellect. His outburst had not been revenge, it had simply been anger, and shock. He had not considered his actions at the time.

"It will not happen again, Aizen-sama," Ulquiorra said, giving a polite bow that was more than a nod, but less than his usual obedient gesture when he was dismissed; he hadn't been dismissed yet.

[theedgeofreason]

He didn't doubt it. Aizen doubted that there was anything else that could shock Ulquiorra enough to make him lose his cool like that. Short of him ending up in a state of Oversoul, he suspected there was little that would make his control waver like that again.

He nodded in response to his pledge of future good behaviour. "You may go," he said, satisfied with his reasons.

Aizen saw no need to drag the discussion out for longer than necessary. Ulquiorra was clearly in a delicate state of mind and he himself was tired with work still to be done and certain matters still to discuss with Illua. His long day was only going to get longer, he suspected.

[tozasemurcielago]

"Hai, Aizen-sama," Ulquiorra replied, taking a deeper bow with his arm across his chest before he turned to leave.

The door clicked shut behind him, and Ulquiorra's reiatsu continued to waver, heavier and darker than usual, as he returned his hands to his pockets. He didn't move at first, facing a moment of indecisiveness that only served to make things worse.

Ulquiorra used to spend a lot of time in the library. The other Arrancar rarely if ever made use of it, nor did any of Grimmjow's reprobates. It had been a quiet place in which Ulquiorra could spend his time at the Palace without unfortunate interruptions.

But L used it regularly, and Ulquiorra had not been to the library since his altercation with him.

A check of the library revealed no current trace of L, or his reiatsu here, which eased the unpleasant tension in Ulquiorra's chest. The library was not empty, but L was not here, and that was what mattered at this moment.

[theschemer]

Zexion had been in the library since before Ulquiorra arrived.

He had been keeping himself out of the way since the meeting with Aizen and the others earlier that day. The library, with all of its shelves and book-filled passages, was ideal for concealing himself from the majority of those who would seek to bother him, not that anybody had. Even Aizen, who he had felt and heard enter the room some hours ago, had failed to approach him for any off-the-record discussion of the Ryoka. He was glad of it. Seeing Axel had brought him nothing but a lot of bad memories on a tide of confusion. He had needed time to collect his thoughts undisturbed.

He sat at a table that was conveniently positioned out of the way and hidden behind the towering bookshelves. It was an arrangement that was good for privacy, but it was so secluded that the library's main light, a modest chandelier, failed to cast its glow in the dark corner. His only source of light was a sconce on the wall whose buzzing bulb threatened to give out at any moment. He had a book open in front of him, a heavy tome detailing some of Spira's history. Old though it was, it was nonetheless modern enough to be written in the most common of Spira's languages, albeit a somewhat archaic dialect. It made for fascinating reading. The chapter he had it open at detailed the Rozarrian end of the Galtean Alliance and he was interested in how they had been brought to peace by a King across the sea, but he just couldn't concentrate on the text before him. He had read the same sentence at least four times and taken none of it in. His thoughts were not on the efforts of the Dynast King.

Over and over he tried to work out exactly how Axel had come to be on Spira. He hadn't been present during the event that had swept them all up and scattered them across Ivalice. With that in mind, he simply shouldn't be there. He just shouldn't. Did that mean that the rift was still open? That others could come through the same way should they discover the laboratory? That there was no way of finding out frustrated him and he tried again to shake Axel from his mind and get it back on Raithwall.

Ulquiorra's arrival didn't go unnoticed. Even though his concentration was wavering and his attention was scattered, he still felt his slight spiritual pressure as he entered the library and he heard the distant and muffled knock of a door. He heard nothing of their discussion, but he felt that dark reiatsu tremble from within the office. It was enough to pull his eyes from the page and push Axel from his thoughts. It reminded him of that instance earlier, before the onset of the debriefing. He had considered the brief unsteadiness strange then, but for it to keep happening... that was unusual, in his still limited experience.

He scowled slightly and listened for the door.

[tozasemurcielago]

Ulquiorra's options were limited. He preferred to avoid the other Arrancar where possible; the ilk of Grimmjow and Nnoitra were undesired company, and taking himself off to anywhere in the Palace other than the library or his own quarters increased the chances of encountering trash such as them. Or worse, Szayel, who after a meeting such as that would inevitably take an opportunity to quiz witnesses despite having witnessed Ulquiorra's own account for himself.

L had made the library a place to avoid, recently, but Ulquiorra's only other options were training, and his own quarters, and right now, Ulquiorra would prefer not to tackle something which brought Murcielago into the equation, just as he would prefer not to spend more time in his own quarters where the Hollow would inevitably work to get his attention.

L's reiatsu was weak, Ulquiorra felt. It had been weak ever since their confrontation, but it was weaker at the moment than it had been. After a meeting such as they'd had, it was possible L had taken to somewhere entirely private to work. He was certainly nowhere in the library's immediate vicinity right now.

Ulquiorra's shoulders relaxed with a sigh he didn't actually release as he turned to head deeper into the library, out of the way. If others, such as L, or Szayel, or Neliel came in, Ulquiorra would prefer not to be within easy pestering range. He needed something to focus on, other than the voices in his own head, and the roil and twist of memories that made his throat tighten.

That he was heading towards another presence in the library didn't matter. The Ryoka was a non-intrusive presence whom Ulquiorra had noted, but paid no other mind.

[theschemer]

Zexion heard the faint click of Aizen's office door as Ulquiorra let himself out of the room. The reiatsu didn't alter much, either in intensity or tone. Walls and doors, he found, did little to change what one could detect, especially at this proximity. Zexion had fallen into the reiatsu detection game like a natural -- he had experience with similar, after all. That somewhere such as the Palace made it easy was certainly fortunate, though. There were relatively few people there, with nobody for at least a hundred miles outside the walls. Their spiritual signatures, like their scents, were beginning to separate as he put names and faces to them.

Ulquiorra, Aizen's quiet, Mistant Arrancar, was easily identified. His reiatsu was vast, but suppressed, and had undertones of something dark and sinister and curiously reminiscent of a Heartless. Some of the other Arrancar were the same, and they all felt unnatural, like something that shouldn't be, but Ulquiorra was the only one that felt as though the Darkness clung to him like cobwebs. Zexion assumed it must be something to do with his Hollow, but he wasn't entirely certain and he was hardly going to ask Aizen about it.

With Aizen in mind, he frowned down at his book. The man was evil. His single-minded hang-the-consequences desire for the Philosopher's Stone put him in mind of Xemnas and his obsession with Kingdom Hearts. He'd forced him to help him in his mission. Zexion didn't doubt that somebody else had had the same plan with Midgar from the beginning -- the blueprints suggested as much -- but Aizen had gone in and sniped it, putting Zexion in the shoes of some unknown Alchemist better suited to bear that burden of becoming a mass murderer. Again. So much for a fresh start, he thought.

Expecting Ulquiorra to make his way out of the library, he looked up when he heard his footsteps draw closer rather than move further away.

[tozasemurcielago]

Ulquiorra bore a number of resemblances to L. Chief among them was the tendency of both to walk with hands in their pockets, but ordinarily, Ulquiorra walked with a straight back, his stance relaxed but proud, and arrogant. Ulquiorra knew how powerful he was, and exhibited the silent confidence of someone who knew they could kill with a bare hand.

Ordinarily. Today there was a weight on his shoulders and things on his mind that he was trying hard to ignore. He wasn't hunched the way L always was, but his shoulders were heavy, and his eyes downcast. Most who didn't know Ulquiorra, or didn't pay attention, would not notice any difference, but it was there.

His eyes barely lifted to flicker over Zexion as the Ryoka came into view. Zexion had been mostly silent in the meeting earlier; Marluxia had done the majority of the talking, but Ulquiorra had heard the alchemist's outburst of shock, and noted it. He'd said nothing after it, and seemed deep in thought.

There was a lot about Rozarria in this area of the library. Ulquiorra had read a number of the books already. Someone who wasn't Ulquiorra would use the term 'homesick', but Ulquiorra wasn't the sentimental type. Still, when the Hollow was a bother, or Ulquiorra found his thoughts going in fruitless circles, he found books about his home country helped more than others, even if not all of the memories he held of Rozarria had remained positive, especially now.

He ignored Zexion, for the most part. His presence was not important.

[theschemer]

At the sound of Ulquiorra's approach, a sudden wave of apprehension washed over Zexion and threatened to drown every logical thought in his head.

As his footsteps neared his little corner of the library, Zexion felt the fingers of fear clutch at his throat and the shadow of dread stiffen his shoulders. For one mad moment, he thought he was coming for him. It wouldn't be unusual for a subordinate to be sent to find someone on his superior's behalf, especially one as dedicated as Ulquiorra, but the thought of fielding that sort of request, especially after all that had happened that day, made his stomach twist. He looked down at the table in front of him and forced himself to appear casual and distracted by the book that lay open before him.

When Ulquiorra made his way around the book case and failed to say or do anything to draw Zexion's attention, he relaxed somewhat and glanced up, albeit briefly. He wasn't looking for him. Zexion silently cursed himself for letting the thought of being brought before Aizen affect him in such a way. The debriefing hadn't been as bad --he was never alone with the man-- but a one-on-one meeting filled him with the sort of anxious worry that made him want to lock himself in his room until he returned to his duties in Archades.

Between Midgar and Axel, Zexion's nerves were frayed. Still, Ulquiorra's presence was unrelated to him. His appearance was coincidental. He was, for the time being, no threat. With his worries at least partially subdued, he fell back into a state of unwillingly thoughtful calm and tried to push the matters of Aizen, Midgar and Axel from his mind in favour of the open book in front of him. He actually saw the words this time, and allowed the legacy of King Raithwall to give him something else to think about.

Ulquiorra's unusually unsteady reiatsu had, for the time being, been forgotten.

[tozasemurcielago]

There was a tremor in Zexion's reiatsu as Ulquiorra approached. Ulquiorra was distantly aware of it, and considered it curious, but paid it no further heed as Zexion delved into his book, and it settled again. Ulquiorra didn't pretend to understand what the alchemist may be thinking, or what may trigger such a response.

He turned his attention instead to the books in front of him. A few were written in Old Rozarrian, which presented Ulquiorra no problem. Some were primers on speaking and reading the language--

One was the book Ulquiorra had first learned from when he was a child, and he hesitated before slowly taking it off the shelf. He'd left his own copy behind when he'd headed to Archades, but it had been one of the few things he'd packed and brought with him when he'd left his parent's house.

He'd brought a book, but left his stuffed rabbit, because he'd thought he'd be able to go back and collect the other things later, and he could live without the stuffed toy, but he'd be bored without a book. There were so many nights he'd spent as a child, working through the exercises, learning how to form the sounds, and the characters, with L on one side of him and his mother sneaking them cake.

Ulquiorra's throat had gone dry, he realised, and he closed his eyes, clamping down on his own reiatsu again as it threatened to spiral out of control, taking a breath and holding it for a moment. L had made such memories painful in entirely new ways; the revelation of his betrayal had soured any happiness Ulquiorra remembered.

You were not at fault, Aizen-sama had said, as if L had been issued punishment from some higher force and Ulquiorra had been merely the vessel of its delivery.

A sibilant voice niggled in Ulquiorra's head, Careful, Quiorra-chan, we don't want to have another outburst.

Ulquiorra pushed that voice, and the thoughts he was having away, sharply. He pushed them down, as he did with his reiatsu, out of the way. Then he opened his eyes, and put the book back where it had come from, turning his attention to an entirely different part of the bookcase.

[theschemer]

Zexion kept his downcast and focussed on his book. Ulquiorra's presence was not set to affect him despite his instinctive concerns on that front, so he ignored him in favour of the text in front of him.

"Many were the countries and kingdoms dotting Ivalice, and many were the wars waged in this time. Legend says that Raithwall, a noble from a small country in southern Valendia, was granted a sword and magicite from the gods, and with these artifacts, a mission: to unify the land."

He felt Ulquiorra's chakra flare and shake again, but did his best to ignore it. It wasn't easy. Ulquiorra was powerful and his Chakra reserves reflected that, even with such a small amount leaked. He didn't know the reason for the sudden change in his level of spiritual restraint, or what was getting to the Arrancar so much that he was struggling with his self control, and he didn't seek to theorise. It was nothing to do with him.

"His strategic genius and deep empathy with his people were evident in his rule of Valendia, and from there he went on to bring peace to much of Eastern Kerwon, and establish the rise of noble lines in that region, including Houses Nabradia and Alexandros."

He heard the tell-tale sound shhhh-thunk of a book being returned to its proper place and, in his peripheral vision, saw Ulquiorra move from one part of the book case to another. The fluctuating-yet-muted spiritual pressure settled again.

"Soon all of South-east Ivalice belonged to the Galtean Alliance, and a Golden Age had begun. Now king of all he surveyed, and ally to much of what he didn't, Raithwall's was a benevolent and just reign, guiding the Alliance for near half a century..."

[tozasemurcielago]

He must maintain his self control, but Ulquiorra wasn't used to finding that so hard. Betrayal wasn't something he'd felt before. He'd known grief, and pain, and the lost sense of helplessness that had come in the aftermath of Gongaga, but outright betrayal was something new. Its fingers reached into parts of Ulquiorra's head he wasn't used to.

Poor Quiorra-chan, Murcielago said. Ulquiorra could feel it basking in the darkness and roiling storm raging in his own head. First Aizen, then your aniki, and now you have no one.

Aizen-sama has nothing to do with this. Ulquiorra let himself concentrate on the Hollow's voice for a moment, becoming only distantly aware of what was going on in the library around himself.

He made you stand by and watch while he forced the Alchemist to do the same to Midgar as had been done to your parents.

Midgar was not the same as Gongaga. Ulquiorra replied, flatly.

You don't believe that, Quiorra-chan; the storm gives you away. Your seas have boiled ever since you saw that city destroyed.

Ulquiorra's fingers tightened slightly on the bookshelf he was holding in the library, and in his head he replied, Aizen-sama's decisions are naught to do with me, only his instructions are my concern.

The Hollow laughed and retorted, You don't believe that, either, Quiorra-chan. If you did, then you could have told him about your new ability; but you know what his decision would be, don't you, Quiorra-chan?

Ulquiorra didn't respond. He suspected that the revelation that he could now see through an illusion would, potentially, have unpleasant consequences. Enough, he told the Hollow.

You've discovered that something is actually important to you, Ulquiorra. Perhaps one day you'll stop running away from it.

Ulquiorra ignored the Hollow once more, finding himself still looking at the books, and the titles written in Rozarrian. He glanced back at the Alchemist, engrossed in his book, remembering for a moment what he'd witnessed at Midgar, and then turned back to the bookcase and withdrew one on the history of Alexandria.

He needed, desperately, to take his mind off Midgar, and Gongaga, and L, and Aizen-sama, and the Hollow.

[theschemer]

Zexion, not privy to Ulquiorra's thoughts, or the voice of his Hollow, sat in silence and finally took in what he was reading. The bulb behind him buzzed and plink-ed irregularly, brightening and then dimming again in fits and spurts.

He didn't move until he'd finished the chapter. Upon reaching the end, he saved his page with a lidded pen and got to his feet. Zexion made his way past Ulquiorra and turned a corner to reach a little half-concealed alcove that stood hidden from view where he had been sitting and where Ulquiorra remained. It housed little more than a table and the supplies necessary to make a cup of tea. There was a mug-tree, a small covered bowl of sugar, a heavy stone pitcher to keep the milk inside it as cool as possible without a fridge, a caddy of teabags and an electric kettle.

The kettle's weight showed quite clearly that there was plenty of water in it, so Zexion flicked it on.

[tozasemurcielago]

Ulquiorra sat down at the nearest table, working hard to ignore the thoughts in his head, and succeeding as he opened the book and began to read. He'd never bothered much about Alexandria's own history when he was younger. The Schiffer family had been powerful, once upon a time, and still retained much of the lands and properties into the modern era. His father had managed the estate for a living, a task which had required employees, and lawyers, and sometimes more of his father's time than Ulquiorra had appreciated, as well as a good head for numbers, and a lot of patience.

The properties had all been transferred to Ulquiorra recently, and Ulquiorra hadn't touched any of it. He didn't wish to. He'd never been back to the family house, or the house his Grandparents had inhabited, and had no wish to visit those, either. Things would have changed, and Ulquiorra would rather preserve his memory of things as they had been.

As much as L had succeeded in tainting that.

He paid Zexion no heed as the Alchemist rose and moved past Ulquiorra's own niche among the bookcases.

The text was in Old Rozarrian, and Ulquiorra read the language fluently, perhaps a little more fluently than he spoke it, especially these days. He frowned a little as he had that thought; he'd spoken it a lot, back then, with friends, and with L.

He had no one to speak it with any more.

His reiatsu wobbled again at the thought, and Ulquiorra closed his eyes, as his chest and throat tightened again. He'd never cried for his parents. He refused to cry now. He took a sharp breath, which seemed so loud in the silence of the library, and forced himself to take a slower, deeper breath, forcing his reiatsu slowly back under control.

He looked back at the book, at the characters lined so neatly on the page, and then looked away, exhaling slowly.

[theschemer]

Zexion frowned as he heard that sound. It sounded distressed and upset. He wouldn't have marked this particular Espada as being the type to sit in the library and cry about anything, but he didn't know what had happened in the meeting with Aizen, or before that, if the meeting was anything to go by.

He kept himself silent and hidden in his alcove as the kettle slowly started to heat the water. While the kettle was still largely noiseless, he grabbed himself a cup from the mug tree and set it down in front of himself quietly, but not too quietly. He didn't want to remind the Arrancar that he was there, nor did he want to be so silent that it made it sound like he was listening to him.

[tozasemurcielago]

It felt like it took an age for the sharp pull in Ulquiorra's throat to pass. He cleared his mind, obstinately refusing to think anything more on the subject of L and his parents. He had to put those memories out of his mind; the past was the past, crying would change nothing, anger, and sadness would change nothing. He had to remember that.

The clink of a cup and faint bubble of the kettle reminded him of Zexion's presence. He could not be seen to lose his self control in front of a Ryoka.

His breathing slowed, and his eyes stung, but he ignored that. He didn't attempt to read any further until he no longer had to fight against the memories. Then he brought his book nearer, and attempted to lose himself in the words.

[theschemer]

Zexion could feel every strained attempt at control Ulquiorra was making. His spiritual pressure was just as telling as the scent of his emotions. It wasn't so easy to tell with others, but whenever Ulquiorra's grip slipped, even just a little, he caught the scent of Darkness about him. It wasn't the same as what he knew, but it was similar enough to stir his memories and was heavy as it was faint.

He was struggling to keep a lid on whatever was bothering him. He had a face to maintain, a reputation for impassive indifference -- even Zexion knew that -- but it was difficult for him, whatever the cause. The frequent loss of control and the subsequent recovery were evidence enough of that.

Zexion could sympathise all too well. He couldn't react to how he felt about the past two weeks and what had happened, though he handled it differently. He simply locked himself down and tried to ignore the vicious pull of unpleasant memories that picked at his psyche, the guilt that threatened to drown him. Axel's appearance on Ulquiorra's recording had pulled him out of that sea, but it was still there, seething just beyond the edge of reason, threatening to drag him down into its depths again.

He pulled a second cup from the mug stand.

[tozasemurcielago]

In the depths of his mind, Ulquiorra could hear Murcielago laughing at his expense. The Hollow had planned to isolate him, he'd realised that much. Forcing Ulquiorra to deceive Aizen-sama had been a deliberate step on the Hollow's part, and Ulquiorra had allowed it to happen.

When he was emotional, he was less aware of what Murcielago might be up to. That was, right now, an important reason to keep his self control. Emotional outbursts were weakness, and weakness the Hollow could exploit.

He held on to that fact, and ignored the niggling feeling as Murcielago tried to needle him further and continue a conversation Ulquiorra had no interest in participating in.

He re-read a passage he hadn't paid enough attention to the first time.

[theschemer]

Zexion stood where he was as the kettle boiled, half lost in thought. The quiet hiss of the boiling water eventually made it up to a near roar ... or at least it sounded that way in the silence of the library. A click sounded the end of the boiling stage and it quieted down as he made the tea.

Zexion was, among other things, exceptionally observant. He paid attention to a lot of what went on in the kitchen, or other neutral gathering places. He didn't make a habit of putting himself in amongst Aizen's subordinates, or Gin Ichimaru, or whoever else, but he had picked up on a few things and he put one of those bits of gleaned information to use.

He picked up the cups and headed back towards the section he had been occupying. Ulquiorra looked distracted, deliberately so. He was doing exactly as he had been and using the book before him as a method of forgetting whatever was bothering him. He frowned slightly as he walked, the expression mostly hidden behind his fringe, and placed a cup down to the side of Ulquiorra's book.

He didn't speak, or even linger. He simply left the cup where he'd put it and headed back to his own table with his own drink in hand.

[tozasemurcielago]

Ulquiorra didn't pay Zexion much attention as he approached. It seemed likely that he was simply going to the bookshelves, and Ulquiorra didn't notice the second cup in the Ryoka's hand until it came into view, placed at the side of his own book.

He looked up, watching Zexion's retreat with blank incomprehension on his own face. Ulquiorra continued to stare after Zexion as he moved back to his own table.

He recognised it as a gesture, but of what? And for what purpose? Ulquiorra was an Arrancar; Zexion would have no reason to pity him, and his reaction earlier had suggested fear, and nervousness.

Ulquiorra picked up the cup, and inhaled its scent before taking a small sip. It wasn't too strong, and it was sweet enough.

That was curious. Zexion had paid attention to such a detail, or he was better at judging people than anyone might have realised.

"Thank you," he said, after a pause he knew had likely stretched on too long. In the quiet of the library, he knew he didn't have to be close to be heard.

[theschemer]

Zexion, already seated by the time Ulquiorra spoke, looked up and shook his head a little. His expression didn't give anything away. He turned his attention back to his book, delicately lifted the pen from between the pages and set it aside.

"You look like you could use it," he said, eyes on the page.

You look how I feel, was the response that went through his head.

[tozasemurcielago]

Ulquiorra still found himself perplexed by the gesture. Looking as though he could use a cup of tea was not, in Ulquiorra's experience, usually reason to make him one. Ulquiorra was unaccustomed to kindness; he wasn't the type of person who invited it.

The answer left him no wiser as to Zexion's motivations than he had been before receiving it, and Ulquiorra, deciding he had nothing more to add to the exchange right now, turned his attention back to his book in perplexed silence.